Merry Christmas! Ho Ho Ho is what I’m going to have to be after this one. Every year I’m just, why? Why do I have to spend all my money for one day when I give myself away all year. To end the year broke, broken and destitute after giving the final pieces of me left. Surely this wasn’t Jesus’ plan of his glorious day, who has 2 birthday, both of which we have to spend a bunch of money on. So why? Why do I give up all I am and have for others? Is it so we are to know how Jesus felt? No one’s going to make an entire religion out of my story. No one even sees me. Does this one day make all the difference in their lives? Am I going to be seen and loved now by abiding and doing so? I have broken myself into cynical mishaps on my mind, convincing myself that it’s for the good of others and their happiness, cult mind shit is what it is, and that I’ll be rewarded for my gracious sacrifice. Is today the day that happens?

Oh, how that makes me smile and giggle in a devilish tone that grows horns. I’m a giver. It’s my downfall. My vice if you will, other than my wine and smokes, and my mind that moves in movie scenes, mostly always proving to be right. Characters always stay true to form, after all. I’m ready for my Christmas miracle, I’ve already picked it out. I’m to give selflessly but am feeling selfish. Why can’t it be my turn this year? Why is it that its my cat attacking my heels, making me dance in my step, that reminds me what love is? That innocent smile that belongs to the moment. Why can’t I keep it forever?

Merry Christmas. To you. For more than a moment. With you. For you. I wish. Be my miracle.